Wednesday, August 31, 2005 @11:55 PM
Hey pple.. back again...As usual, living in the suffering of my cough, but it seemed to get lesser each day. Though i've been coughing lately, i still didnt missed the chance of having my Gelare.. haha.. yup had Gelare on Mon with Suban and Kristy. Too bad Colin couldnt join us as he gt IPP. Dun worry Ariel and friends, as promised, i will go Gelare with all of you girls soon...maybe next week perhaps.....and i'll make sure Colin join us ya!! haha.
As for today, i went back to NYP with Suban to get sm things done for the SBM club. Just as i was reaching school, i realised how much i missed school. haha...I missed the atmosphere of the noisy students at Mac canteen. Anyway, met Kristy in school after everything was settled. then headed to Pacific Plaza...wanted to look for nice sweater cuz THE NIKE SWEATER THAT I WANTED WAS SOLD OUT!!!! Damn!! hmm...Abit sad lah...but i believe there will be nicer sweaters being sold somewhere out there..hehe...We then met Mr Colin and Marc and had dinner with them at Swensens. Yum Yum... But dont worry pple, i didnt EAT ICE CREAM!!!! (see, im a good boy *bleah*) though its so tempting. *drools* sigh..haha..
After the delicious dinner, the guys headed down to Esplanade while Kristy met up with her cliques. hmm... Well thats all for today.
Oh ya, did i mentioned that i saw... eh.,... erm.....Sam at Heeren on Mon. She was working at Mambo. sigh..She so cute lah....Havent seen her for a quite some time. Too bad for me she gt...."him"...sigh...Sometimes im juz to shy to talk to her...hmm..Wondering if she would wanna have lunch with me next week during her lunch break?? HMM..*in deep thoughts*.....I hope she will.. hehe..
Well, cant end my blog without a poem i guess..hmm... and this one is specially dedicated to a girl whom i fell in love with during my secondary school days. As usual, nothing in my life can ever end with a happy ending... never once.. and never will be. sigh... In 2003, just as i was planning to give her a suprise visit in Indonesia, i was put into a shocked and very sad state as she suddenly left me and the world forever . yes, she passed away....sigh...alright, thinking about all this is puting me into tears right now..=(...sigh... After all that had happened,i believe that GOD had his reasons for taking her away and i guess GOD loves her more than i do...
Dear Steph, wherever you are right now, i want you to know that you'll always be in my heart and you'll always be missed. Hopefully smday, i'll join you, hand in hand and in happiness in Heaven. Rest In Peace.
Stephanie, this poem is specially for you...here goes..
I blew a kiss to the heavens
did you receive it?
I saw your face in the sky
so I screamed a final goodbye
did you hear it?
I wiped my tears upon a letter you gave me
did you feel it?
I sent all the love and memories
did you receive it?
I have of you to my heart
and locked them there
then threw away the key
I stopped the tears
and smiled for you
as I remembered the joy we shared
and all the love you gave
I talk to you in my dreams
are you really there?
you looked so happy and at peace
as you waved your final goodbye
and your eyes told me that
you will always care
you'll always be by my side
I performed your favourite song
did you join in?
now that you are gone
I will carry you everywhere
in my heart and in my soul
when things go wrong
I'll look to the clouds above
I'll see your beautiful face
it gives me the strength to carry on
it sends hope, promise and love
that was the same love you gave to everyone
and always with a smile
instead of a cry
as you wave your
final goodbye....
God I miss ya Stephanie
my best friend, loved one and now my angel
In Loving Memory : Stephanie Indrayanie (1985-2003)
⥠you and i both loved
Tuesday, August 30, 2005 @1:48 AM
Hey pple!!! Im back!! yeah with a brand new blogskin and song!! haha...
All thanx to Marc and Kristy! Thanx Alot ya!!! hehe...i noe it's abit plain..
well i like it that way i guess...haha
okok back to my life (so called the happy side of my life)...hmm...all i can say is that, it had been a very sick
week for me..I was having fever, sore throat, cough, flu...etc..
All the common sickness, u name them..I had them....hmm
As for now, im recovering from all the sickness in a slow and
steady pace.. haha..can't to recover and start eating all the junk foods!!
Yum Yum...Esp GELARE!!! ok it's tempting me now... hehe...
hmm....Another problem that i'm facing for the past few days and even now
is that I'M SUPER BROKE!!! I REALLY NEED A JOB!!...I want to get the Nike Sweater!!!!
haha...No money= No nice food, No shopping(Xlarge, Obey and Stussy T-shirts) ,
No clubbing(oops..i mean enjoyment) :x heheh
Etc.....Damn!! I NEED MONEY!!! Due to the money problems i faced, i had to reject all
the outings planned by my friends... sigh... sorry pple.... wait till nxt mth and i'll be rich again!!
haha...till then...i'll just rot at home... haha *bleah*
Well back to the "Sad" side of my life...sigh.....everything is just still the same..
Once im alone at hm...sadness, lonliness and misery just automatically enters my
life.. sigh...It just make me think about the past and it really puts me in tears...
Yes i admit that i'm weak..bt...it's just too difficult for me...im so tired of my life and
everything..
A few days back, i had a dream of the past... yes i dreamt of "her"...
Like what i wrote as my MSN nick,... Saw You...We Smiled...You Left...
sigh...yes that what happened in the dream...to see her leaving really really
hurts me soo much that i was suprised to see tears from my eyes just when i woke
up from my dream...Did i really cried in my dream?? hmm... sigh..
Sometimes i do have friends around who just broke up and had the similar situation
as me...and i was there to give them advice and help them solve their probs... bt why cant
those advice i provide for them work on me?? sigh... frankly speaking,...i really dont know what to do.
Maybe i'm just fated to suffer throughout my whole life until i drop dead...well only GOD knows
Anywae that's what all i have to say for now..
Till then...Muq signing out
(To Miss Nana: sorry that i deleted ur fav song frm my blog... heheh...anywae this current song is nice too)
(To Marc and Kristy: Thanx again for helping me change my blogskin and song!! appreciate it alot!!)
"Missing You"
i've been living my alone
trying to get you out of my life
but after all this time
i can't help myself but miss you
you're once a dream that came true
an illusion that turned to reality
but suddenly, things turned differently
the way they used to be
untill such time i have no choice but to let you go
you're the reason for my sleepless nights
coz you keep stayin' on my mind
i can't help myself from crying
coz i'm missing you so much
all the pain & sadness are bound inside my heart
all the memories are still preserve in my mind
i miss you so much
coz i can't hide the fact that i'm still in love with you
my life will never be the same again
now that you're gone
i'll be trapped in this loneliness forever
unless a girl like you will bloom into my life again....
⥠you and i both loved
Wednesday, August 24, 2005 @9:43 PM
ALONE
Alone
One Word
That means so little
Yet hurts so much
Alone is a hurt
A hurt that goes beyond
Physical pain
A hurt inside
Inside
Involves a mind
Involves a hurt
Involves a life
A life
With emotions
With Feelings
A human life
Loneliness
Causes fear
Depression
And sadness
Loneliness
Is the feeling
That nobody
Gives a care
A care about the person
Inside
Who has a life
Who has feelings
Alone is a word
A word that means one
One person
All alone
By themselves
With no one
No one to love
No one to hate
No one to laugh with
No one to cry with
No one to celebrate with
No one to comfort with
No one to joke with
No one to play with
No one to talk with
No one to enjoy life with
There's no one
No one who cares
For the only "one"
Is in the word itself
Alone is a word
A word of waste
For there's no reason to live
If you're all alone
Emptiness inside
Replaces all happiness
And sometimes it seems
As if the world should just end
When one is alone
They meet their true self
For there's no one to hide from
No one to impress
That is when
The hatred begins
The hatred for themselves
The hatred for life
It stems from lonliness
It stems from emptiness
It stems from unhappiness
It stems from being alone
Alone
One word
That means so little
Yet hurts so much
⥠you and i both loved
Saturday, August 20, 2005 @8:53 PM
=PRAYER OF A BOY NAMED MUQSIT ERFIAN=
Its been along time since i've blogged. My life is kinda same...was initially struggling with exams, bt for now, i've been enjoying partying all day long... heheh... have been a bad boy... and i mean really bad boy.... hehhe... Basically, i've gt not much to blog about my life righ now. But for a change, i'll blog about smth different.
Well, basically my life is full of wrongdoings and guilt... and with the many guilt i have in life..comes a great prayer from me..
So...here goes...
=PRAYER OF A BOY NAMED MUQSIT ERFIAN=
God bless this night for when i rest -
let my loved ones sleep as well as i.
God forgive me for the wrongs and the lies
To right them and repent; i constantly try.
God, enchant the lives of the loved, make them not cry
for never will i present to them my sadness in this life.
God bless their meals and places they sleep -
for they know not the lonely, how much i do weep.
Dear God, bless upon me strength to overcome ;
For when love does fade, i find not the power to lead.
God, bless upon me a will to have full use-
because without their love, this fight i might well lose.
God, as sun shines and dew rest on leaf;
Let them too witness thy glory, thy faith and belief.
Lord, like dirt and the guilt that crusts on my heart and my face -
Let them never feel this; alike to my disgrace.
God, from your humblest creation thus true
Let them always awake - feeling anew.
God, as i lay myself down to seek rest
Please let them know how they always have my best.
God, like the stars in the night that doth shine
Let me have their care - as much as they have mine.
God, though i might fade in their memories
Let them know that they have all of me.
God, love them always, much like i do-
In trust and full heart, i kneel before you.
God as i sleep right after my very last meal
Make me forget; of how terrible i feel.
⥠you and i both loved